It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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