She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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