I think im going to throw up on grandma
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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