i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
