I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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