Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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