Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
