Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
