do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
