My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
