I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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