Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
