i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
