two words: eviction party
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
