not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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