I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
