Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Barsexuality is the new black.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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