Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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