I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
