Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You pole danced in your parka.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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