I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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