i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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