Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
