the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
