we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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