If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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