I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
