ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
