Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
