I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
