What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
