the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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