i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
