Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
