she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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