i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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