So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
