God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
