He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
