i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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