i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
