I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
