I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
