glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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