His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
