I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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