This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
