I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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