K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
