I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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